It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
