My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
