Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
