i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
