Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
