I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
