I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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