He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
