i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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