does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
