i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
