Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
