OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love having hate sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
