this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
