I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
