My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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