Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
