I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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