drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
