hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
