My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize