he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize