Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
