you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
