She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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