Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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