News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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