Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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