I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
