Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
