Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
