Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found your dick twin last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
