I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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