Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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