Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
