Buhtt sex?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
