I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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