I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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