I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
