Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
