i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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