We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
