There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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