I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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