Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
