The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
