Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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