Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
