this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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