You just made me feel so damn special
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
