Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
MIDGETS
????
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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