Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
