i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
