like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
