Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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