Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
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can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!