I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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