So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
