the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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