There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
