Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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