my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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