I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
