I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
