As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
