Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
