I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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