what if every blade of grass was a penis?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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