Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize