hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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