Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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