I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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