whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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