well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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